Blog Blog Blogging away

Do you think this guy deserves to
be loved by you?

I just watched a Korean series
called, "Full House" (English Version) starring of course, Rain.

I’ve seen it before but it was in
the mandarin version and I had no idea what was going on then….till now. Haha,
the potato syndrome!

So why did I ask such a question
earlier on? Well, the show is about a couple who had to get married, not for
love or money, but for ego and a house.

Short Synopsis: Expectedly, the
female character (Ji En) soon developed feelings for the guy(Yeung Zhi) and did
everything for him even though he was in love with his childhood friend, a rich
and spoilt girl. As expected, the rich girl could obviously tell that Ji En was
falling in love with Yeung Zhi and even though she herself did not really love
him, she was not about to let him fall in love with another girl. She had come
to depend on Yeung Zhi to do everything for her, stand by her, basically be her
lackey and she could not take it when Yeung Zhi started becoming confused in his
present ‘fake’ marriage situation.

The guy’s character is a real
egghead, he always take Ji En for granted….he always expects her to do whatever
he told her to do and though they always argued about it, in the end, Ji En
would do what he wanted. The couple is actually very compatible with each other
away from the prying eyes of the media, friends and family. They always did
things together, happened to like certain stuff and really enjoyed each other’s
company. However, Yeung Zhi only started to realize that he may have feelings
for Ji En when another guy, came into the picture and challenged him for her
heart. Now, this other new guy is a really good looker with a career as an
editor and a personality that would melt any women’s heart. He is macho and sensitive
and, he obviously recognized a treasure when he saw one. He had fallen in love
with Ji En and when he found out about the contract Ji En had with Yeung Zhi to
stay in the marriage, he went all out to pursue her.

So, if you were in Ji En’s shoes in
reality, would you ever fall for a guy who broke your heart more times then you
could ever count?

Below are just some scenarios from
the series:

1)Yeung Zhi always took out his
wedding ring when he went to visit the rich girl, even though he had informed
Ji En about the visit.

2) Yeung Zhi actually left his
wedding ring behind at his friend’s shop and actually got pissed at Ji En who
had kicked up a fuss over it.

3) Yeung Zhi promised Ji En that
they would go out for a good meal, just the 2 of them, after a movie premiere
but breaks it off at the very last minute when his friend asked him out for a
drink, despite Ji En pleading with him not to go.

4) Yeung Zhi is an arrogant and
self centered guy who is extremely neat and clean, with lots of money too. He
does not show his kindness and caring attitude towards Ji En at all even though
she had done so much for him and even cried because of him and he knows about
all the sacrifices she made to make their marriage seem ‘real’.

5) But, he has his kind side too….
Like buying a birthday gift for Ji En, doing little stuff to make her work less
tiring, cook porridge for her when she is ill, say stupid jokes to make her
laugh, sing silly songs to cheer her up but stupidly, he will also go around
and do something really mean towards her and cause her to feel confused about
the way he feels about her.

6) Yeung Zhi always made
appointments or accepted appointments with Ji En only to break it at the last
minute or leave even before it started just because his friend called.

7) Yeung Zhi always answer his
phone despite the late hours whenever its from his friend.

Yeung Zhi kicks up a huge fuss
at Ji En when she invites her potential suitor for a drink, had dinner or even
for just tea but, it is alright if he spent hours out of home, breaks dinner
engagement, even the night, just to be his friend who always claimed that she
was ‘depressed’ and ‘needed someone to talk to’.

9) When Ji En pleaded with Yeung
Zhi, with tears in her eyes (infront of his friend) not to break their prior
dinner appointment just because his friend invited him for a drink, he shrugs
and leaves her standing in the carpark, alone and he simply sends his assistant
to take her home.

10) When Ji En was about to go out
for lunch with another guy, Yeung Zhi pleads with her not to go because he
would have nothing to eat, and she stays.

What would you do if you ever met
someone you really liked, only to have him treat you like this? If he broke
your heart so many times, okay maybe he does not even realize it, but basically
the idea is there, if he could be so insensitive to your feelings, do you think
such a guy deserves a second chance when he asks for it?

You may argue that the guy
already loved someone else and Ji En
actually set herself up for heartbreak in the first place by falling for him.
True, but she would never have fallen for Yeung Zhi if he did not send out
mixed signals to her first. In fact, Ji En actually met and was smitten with
the other guy first.

Personally, I would get tired of
the emotional drain. Firstly, if the guy is so fickle and indecisive, his heart is probably not stable like yours. If he does not treasure you only until after another
guy comes into the picture, then the probability of him neglecting you in
future is high. Is love worth the exposure to such emotional tortures?

I believe in equality in love and emotions.
Equality in everything. Never let one person do everything in a relationship,
it would not be a relationship by then. Love equally, give equally, share. Though it is romantic to "to be loved by someone", but it is not being fair and honest with yourself or with the other party. It would actually be selfish to lead the person on and deny them of true love.

Sunday….oh Sunday.

It could not have come sooner,
though I’d would have preferred it later-to put off an impending test which I
have retained absolutely nothing of, despite cram studying the past week!

So I took some time out in
between sniffles, coughs and spinal cords to read the Sunday Plus. Yeah, light
hearted news is what I need right now. I will get around to the main paper
before I sleep…no worries.

Anyway, a particular article
caught my attention in the Sunday Plus, "A Prize Catch" . The author quoted
from a book, Simple Truths (1996) by Ken Nerburn, "The central secret
seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental
compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both
dearly want the relationship to succeed."

The quote struck close to my
heart. Both my parents are good people.

The author further adds that Ken
considered, ‘ one who laughs easily with (not at) others; one who deals with
the world in ways you respect; and one who sees poetry in life and mystery in
the everyday.’ Are big clues to compatibility.

I agree, if you can find someone
who can laugh easily with you (even if your jokes are silly), can deal with the
world in ways that leaves you admiring him more and can see the poetry in life
and mystery in the everyday (like being stuck with you) I’d say you’ve found
the ‘one’. However, I do not believe such persons with all three qualities can
exist-life is not like that. Everything must strike a balance, to keep the
world revolving and tilted at an angle.

If you’ve found such a person
with all three qualities chances are,

1) he
is getting married to the snottiest person ever and it’s not you

2) he’s
already married with 2 rotten kids

3) he’s
gay or

4) he
is getting married to the snottiest person ever and it’s you

Life is never fair. Sighs. If
only it is…

If only life was so simple and
finding your true soul-mate was so simple like this song:

" Hey, time won’t wait
Life goes by
Every day’s a brand new sky
Every tear comes to dry
All that really matters in this crazy world
Is you and I together, baby just remember…

The first leaves of the tree,
The way you look at me,
A thousand chiming church bells ring
The simple things are free
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are

So here we go
Let’s just dance
Teach my soul to take this chance
Put my heart in your hands
Out of all the moments that we leave behind
Turn around and tell me baby we’ll remember…

The thunder and the rain,
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by the simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are

Oh, The ocean and the sky
The way we feel tonight
I know that it’s the love that brings the simple things to light
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
I love the way the simple things,
The simple things just are "

~ The Simple Things, Jim Brickman

Blardy hell!

Tonight is not my night AT ALL!

First, whilst I was driving back along TPE, non of the blardy cars were willing to give way even when I had signalled approximately 1km away from my exit. NONE! To think I had been courteous enough to give way to others earlier when I was sending my sis back. I had to make a de-tour to Pasir Ris just to get back.

Next, when I finally reached near my home, my parent had to close the gate to the patio! I mean, wth? A stupid black car and lorry was parked directly on the lane outside my house and I had to leave dad’s car unattended to open the gates. Just as I got back into the car, another stupid SILVER Toyota came along and whilst I was reversing to align my car into position, the stupid Toyota had to drive forward into whatever minimal space I had to turn into the house! What’s even worse, my mom had to come out and pull the gate inwards instead of leaving it as I had positioned it! WTH???

Without any choice, I had to turn in and ‘WHAM’! slammed into the gate which my mom pulled in and scratched the car as I tried to reverse it back out! The blardy Toyota driver had the blardy gall to squeeze behind my dad’s car to prevent me from reversing back out to re-position and he had the blardy phucking cheek to snigger behind his blardy wheels.

I seldom get vocally angry. Serious. BUT this is too much! What the blardy phucking hell?! So what if he is an older phucking man? Does he have the right to be inpatient and force his way out?! DOes he? He cannot even read the other driver’s mind (my own) and he has a license to drive?? So what if he is driving a blardy asian made toyota? INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE. The dent on my dad’s car is going to cost me, but it pisses me off when it is not even my fault.

How is it that a night that started out good can end so badly?

It is a good thing I am a patient person because, I can wait till the day this particular phucking old asshole turns up at the hospital where I work……. I can forgive, but I never ever forget. Or better yet, in his sniggering phucked up face, he mis-judged a distance and ‘WHAM BANG!", Singapore has 1 lesser inconsiderate asshole on the roads and the traffice police would have another case of negligent driving to handle.

I had tea today.

This was what we discussed, ‘How many can we truly consider as
our friend?’

We meet many people through
different phases of our life and we call them friends.

Can we? Are they truly our friend?
Or just classmates, church mates, school mates, friend of a friend, colleagues etc.

I have found that, despite knowing
many people, I only know them on the surface. As to the meaning of truly
‘knowing’ them, I think I barely scratched the surface.

There are only so few people I can
truly count as friends, mainly only…2. Is that sad?

I wish to think not, it’s just
that I have trust issues.

Whom can we really consider as our
friends?

Each of us has different ideas of
whom we consider as a friend or would like to keep as a friend. To me, a friend
is someone I can really count on, trust and truly be myself with.  Someone who respects me for me and appreciates my knowledge  (no matter how limited it may be) and worth (no matter how little it may be) and also someone who does not see me as a weapon or a use for their own advantage. 

Another interesting topic that came up was, are our families truly any different from each other?

We may have different number of siblings but, the issues we all face appears to be the same. The wonderment of ‘what if’ appears to be similar. Can we say that this is a result of the ’sibling-position’ syndrom? (yes, my own label- my blog, my right to label) That is to say, being the youngest, we always wonder ‘what if I was not the youngest, but the middle child?’ and vice versa. I guess this topic is not really new but, having to hear it brought out in the open by another person and learning that I am not alone in such thoughts is quite reassuring in a way.

In the past, I used to think that there was something ungrateful in me for even considering such notions. It even led me to wonder the reason for my existence at the expense of another, it made me wonder if I was worth it. Though I still wonder the meaning of life, especially my own purpose, I no longer feel as guilty for having such negative thoughts about being the youngest.

It is really nice to find someone who can identify with you and understand what you are trying to say. It is also really nice to have someone you can discuss such issues with. Mental stimulation of the philosophical side. I may appear to be quite deep to some people but, actually I am not the only person who is deep. There is another person who actually thinks just as much about life as me, and I value whatever this person shares.

Each of us are unique in our own personal way, some of us are obviously smart through quantifiable means while others are just as smart but in subtle ways and in areas that are difficult to quantify but by no means any easier in mental prowess. It is how we use our abilities and talent to our advantage as well as for the benefit of others that really counts in life.

We can score all the As or Bs but how we want to truly and sincerely give back to society would really  mean and worth a lot more than scores which are depicted by people who, themselves, may not even have had achieved such standards.

Make your talents and life mean something. Show the person up there that you are not a mistake, that his trust in you is justifiable….that is what I always tell myself. It is hard to live by such beliefs when everyone else around you does otherwise but, I try to as much as I can without compromising their own beliefs and what they hope to achieve out of it.

I did a miracle yesterday.

I went to the COMEX at expo and came out alive.

I had a mission, to get a few stuff for my brother, a friend and of course, myself. I wanted to check out the digital SLRs as well.

I reached Expo and boy,was the crowd huge! I told myself that I had to be focused and ensured I had the best deal possible. I was prepared to spend a few hours sourcing.

So, alone, I stepped into Hall 6. All the big boys were there…. BenQ, Compaq, Lenovo, plasma tvs, Apple….etc I was overwhelmed and everywhere I turned there were salespeople busy making their sales. Feeling abit lost and suddenly not as determined, I slowly made my way through the crowds.

The first thing I noticed was that most people came in groups or with a buddy and they did not cared if they hit another fellow comexer. I was pushed aside a few times when I was trying to view the cameras. Finally, I gave up. I know I am petite but those shovers (mainly guys) were really disgusting. They liked to crowd and start pushing people like me aside. Though I was pissed, I did not confront them cos they had strength in numbers. I got out of that area fast before I earned another bruise on my arm.

Then I proceeded to the accessories hall, totally with a huge ‘LOST’ sign plastered on my face. I went around like a sheep looking for some fresh grass and finally found some interesting stuff for my PSP, but alas, the colour they had was only white. SO I went on my way. And the kind staff told me that black was a hot colour and they had already sold out  and, so did another booth. SO that helped save me time and energy in searching for other booths that sold the cover.

I’ve noticed that when you’re a single female at such an event, you can forget about asking the female staff for assistance in making purchases. I was totally ignored or given the ‘oh, not serious’ look. However, the male staff were much kinder. They took the time to explain stuff to me and of course, I had to ‘act’ blonde abit just to ensure that they were not bullshitting me. Surprisingly out of the 6 or 7 booths I stopped at for wireless routers, only 1 ‘uncle’ like character was spouting rubbish.  However, I was polite enough not to point out his ignorance on some issues because, subsequently I did make a purchase at his booth when his other more knowledgeable colleague saw my ‘even blur’ look, came over to extricate me from the ‘uncle’.

I had more luck with the male staff than the female staff. Everytime I approached a female staff, they would turn away and their male colleague would attend to me instead. Either they’re not as sure of the product they are selling or they were just being a biatch.

Amazingly, I got out of the comex in under 2 hours! Of course I had some help from at least 2 of the staff there. Whilst enquiring about their products, they were each kind enough to make some small talk and found out what other stuff I was looking for and, pointed me in the right direction with a rough gauge of the prices that were considered good. I’ve realised that if you don’t demand for such hot tips from such people, they’ll willingly offer it to you out of goodwill. One of them even went out of the way to guide me to one of their rival stores. Such service! I managed to get my stuff and even had some time to check out the FIAT cars on display.

However, though my trip out ended sooner and I was home earlier, the rest of my Saturday was spent doing projects! I have been doing it since Friday and I cannot believe I still have to do it again tomorrow! I have not even had the chance to study for a test next week. What the hell? 

I think enforced timeout is good for me, if I did not have an excuse to go out yesterday, I might have burnt my whole Saturday infront of the blardy computer like all other previous weekends!

Sometimes I wonder why? My parents could enjoy their weekends, even my brother has somewhere to go on his off days, and I try to take comfort in the fact that my pets are happy that at least someone is home with them.

It is a good thing then that I do have a reason not to do anything next saturday except to kayak with fellow KCIANs, my gal pals. Finally! 

There are some things I’ll never
understand.

There are some things they’ll
never understand.

There are some things we’ll never
understand.

I think it is safer for me to be
by myself.

To stay within my own shadows,

To watch from afar, happiness
that is not mine

Laughter that does not reach me

Love that is not mine

Joy that is not within my reach

Why do I even care why it hurt so
much?

The armour I’ve built around
myself is rusting.

The pain I’ve forgotten is coming
back.

It is a reminder of why I deceive
myself.

Standing in the crowd

I have never felt more alone

A face amongst the millions

Everyday is a lie I wake up to

Every night is the truth I face
alone

Secrets told and promises broken

Bonds made and trust betrayed

My mind is not my own

My soul is not anyone’s mate

My heart is not for breaking

Can I just give up?