Blog Blog Blogging away

I went to the zoo! The Singapore
Zoological Gardens at last!

HippeeKahYay!!

I woke up real early this morning
with high hopes and a real excitement. Though the sky was really dark, instead
of dampening my mood, it was absolutely perfect for a trip to the zoo!

I made my way down to meet my
friend at Aljunied and from there, we went to Ang Mo Kio for breakfast. It was
already 11am by the time we had our breakfast and by the time bus 138 arrived,
it was already almost 11.30am.

By noon, we finally arrived at
the zoo and thankfully, it only started to drizzle alittle and the crowds were
still thin.

Throughout the initially part of
our journey, I only had in mind the Polar Bears and the time 1.05pm. I know I
kept hurrying my friend to be at the polar bear enclosure by then and we
finally made…with minutes to spare! But alas, it was fully packed and, to make
matters worse, it started to rain!

I did not care and decided to
brave the rain with my cap and umbrella to take a few pictures of the MAIN item
at the zoo, Inuka and Sheba.

<-Inuka, the naughty polar bear who just turned 16 on the 26th of Dec 2006

After the short segment on
feeding of the polar bears, my friend and I remained at the enclosure after
most of the crowds left, mainly to stay out of the pouring rain and also to
watch and observe the polar bears. I have to say, Inuka is one helluva big
bear! He is larger than his mother, Sheba. The 2 bears were simply irresistibly
cute and I absolutely admire their ability to swim leisurely using only their
fore webbed paws. The rainy season must truly suit them cos they seemed to be
more active and did not once go back into their air conditioned den.

After the bears, I made sure my
friend and I covered the rest of the zoo starting from the main entrance again.
I must add though, we started at the beginning because I got hungry from the
cold. Anyways, it was a good choice because we saw other animals which we
overlooked in the beginning, in my haste to reach the polar bear enclosure.

<- White tiger! Magnificent Beasts

<-"Ooo look ma….I’m a Sun Bear!"

<-"Well hello there…my name is Gunta! I love my Keeper!"

<-"Rwaor! Don’t just smile…hand me my dinner!RWOOAAR!"

I really enjoyed myself today and
I felt that the 5-6hours spent at the zoo was well worth it. I saw lots of
animals I only saw on the discovery channel and I found that I could very well
see myself truly enjoying a safari trip in Africa. My favourite animals beside the polar bears, are the Lions and
the White Tiger. These are truly 2 magnificent beasts that even the other
predatory mammals like the cheetah, Jaguar and etc cannot compare. I found
myself truly mesmerized by them so much so that I actually paid $50 to have a
stuffed and cuddly version as souvenirs and reminder.

Since we started our trip at Ang
Mo Kio, I guess it was only befitting that it should also end at Ang Mo Kio. I
had a fresh prawns mui fan at one of the coffeeshop and for $4, I thought it
was quite reasonable since the prawns were large and really fresh.

<- $4! Sluuurp!

Sigh, I wonder in how many years
time will I ever make a trip out to the zoo again. I may go there more often
but, perhaps not the zoo itself but to Mandai area because I discovered that
the roads are truly scenic and in terms of driving, I think it would truly be
therapeutic.

This morning, I woke up late. Ha
ha what’s new?

What’s new this morning is the
fact that mom actually asked me to help her bake Sheperd’s Pie! ALLLRRRIGHT!!
Finally!

Mom rarely wants any of us (my
sister and I mainly) to be in the kitchen whenever she’s cooking because
,"they’ll make a mess of everything". When it comes to cooking, mom
is a perfectionist. You can forget about asking her to list her recipe on a
piece of paper….she goes by experience and feel for the amount needed for each
ingredients.

So, it was the same when she
asked me to prepare the ingredients for the pie. I wanted to ask her for the
amount for the ingredients but she kept saying, to put in however much I
wanted… I was like, "really?" Of course, I’m not a complete idiot. I
put in the amount based on my preference of how I would like the pie to taste.
I could tell that there were many moments when mom resisted the urge to just
take over from me. Mom was in a good mood today, good. I like days like these.

Even when my pie was baking and
neither of us could tell if it was cooked (again, mom always went by her
senses-namely smell) without hesitation she yelled across the house to my dad
who was at the front porch, "Mike! Can you smell anything nice? Our noses
are blocked…cannot smell properly!" It is a surprise that my dad did not
even hesitate when he said yeah, smells nice. I mean, my god….now my neighbours
know they’ve got neighbours who can’t smell for nuts, cooking.

<-my sheperd’s pie before I put it into the oven to bake

<-my salad before I added broccoli and some corns and the dressing

After the pie, mom also let me
fry the sausages and ham and, she kept saying, "good…they look
nice.." I mean wow…compliments from her? Wow…..even though some of my ham
was abit over-fried because I was busy teasing my dog at the same time that I
was frying. Wow! She even allowed me to make the salad!

<-extra dishes were prepared by mom (curry and chicken stew) and a turkey ham with pineapple made by us both.

Lunch was finally served at about
2pm because my sister took forever to come home. It started to rain and dad
actually sacrificed a bottle of champagne that was given to him by a doctor, on
us! It was a pleasant lunch affair that seemed almost like any normal families
where my dad actually shared some of his nursing experiences at IMH, the weird
ones like how his colleague and friend ended up a patient at IMH. It was
bizarre…we ended up talking about neuroses, psychopaths, schizophrenics, salad
and even had a good time making fun of my sis’s fiancé (who was not around).
Everyone talked to everyone else.  Lunch
finally ended about 5pm. Yeah…it was a really long lunch.

I guess, when you’re enjoying
yourself, time flies really fast.

Today is also the 6^th anniversary of Bobby’s death. Yes, I
never forgot and I know my cat still remembers him because he came into the
house with a funny look and started to lick my hand and toes as if to console
me. I still miss him.

So I kept a lunch appointment
with a friend, even though I actually woke up late. Heehee!

I also got to try out the
‘multiplayer’ mode on my PSP with my friend and oh, incidentally, I
"OWNED" him 2 times out of the 3 rounds we raced. Hee! Of course the
car I drove was a ’souped up’ Mitsubishi Eclipse. Hee hee!

After lunch, we walked around Sim
Lim, saw a few games that I am interested to get but, caution warned me to be
patient and finish the games I have on hand before trying new stuff.

Then I went on to Bugis itself to
get a bag I’ve been looking at since last month, and damn…..the shop has even
more bags that I really like. It took me a good 15 mins to finally decide on
one even though my heart kept telling me, "get the bigger one! Get the
bigger one!" Yeah, the bigger one has the word ‘JAPAN’ written on it and a
red circle in the middle to signify the rising sun. It looks so cool, so
vintage! But darn, it is more suitable as an overnighter bag/bowling bag
instead of a casual bag. Sighs….

Anyways I don’t know how, but we
ended up spending quite a bit of time trying to decide on gifts for people but
it was not boring because at the same time, my friend kept me up to date on
lots of stuff even though our attachment ended only just last week! It seemed
like there was so much to catch up on! I felt like I’ve really wasted my last
few days of the holidays as compared to his!

I have got to do more, see more,
go more places! Life is short, I may die tomorrow without even going to the
Zoo! Bwaah!

Well, in the spirit of gift
giving, I have thought up of gifts for all my friends and I admit, even though
I am on a budget, I hope to get something for everyone that is usable, quirky
and at least, appreciated.

I myself have no idea what I
want for Christmas! I guess, the feeling for Christmas got mixed up with all
the commercialism from the STPB that somehow, things I wished to have turned
out to be stuff that I intended to get for myself rather than wait for people
to get for me. What do I want for Christmas?  I really don’t know…. Hm… earrings? Well, I can count the number
of earrings I have….so far, 4 pairs only. Or, a diary or daily planner? Hm…but
then again, I can always get those planners and donate some $$ at the same time
from those charitable organisations or get one of those ‘travel-worn’ design
ones from MPH that Tania and I last saw at Parkway…..hm…. well, anyway, I love
the idea of giving gifts more than receiving gifts because I love to see
delighted and surprised faces from my family and friends.

And because of that I thought it
would be fun to add a little bit of ’spice’ to a wish tag from Bugis.

When you are given a chance to make a wish…..what would you wish for?

I finally decided to drag my sick
sorry ass out of bed and, despite the tantalizing dark and gloomy skies, made my
way to Boon Lay to meet my brother for a round of shooting.

Yeah, my maiden voyage into the
"Men’s Club" aka "National Shooting Club of Sinagpore".
Luckily, it was quite deserted because of the weather and thus, I did not stick
out like a sore thumb-being the only female there. The guy at the club was nice
enough to let me follow them down into the armoury to pick a gun or two.

I tried out the Beretta and the
Glock. The 9mm beretta was your almost standard pistol with a cock and hammer(2nd one in the pic).

The Glock, ahh this was the gun
that was featured in Harlan Coben’s Tell No One. It was heavy, very manly type
of gun and damn, it was hard to pull back.

My brother chose a new pistol,
the US HD or something or other. It looks like a Glock but is sleeker and the
grip is really good.

<-my brother used the US HD something gun. He felt that the aim was pretty good.

So, after chosing our guns and
getting 100 live rounds, my brother gave me a 10 min crash course on the ‘Dos
& Don’ts’ of using a gun.

1. Always make sure the safety catch is on.
2. Never point your gun anywhere else but at the range.
3. Never take a gun from another person if the barrel is
        not exposed.
4. Never put your finger on the trigger if you are not
        ready to fire.
5. Don’t be an idiot and put your hands infront of the
        barrel.
6. Always remove your magazine with the nozzle facing
        the ground-not at your feet
7. Always check if the gun is empty.

After my 10 min crash course, I
took to the range and tried out my first shot.

<- that’s me, using the Glock.As you can see, I ditched the safety glasses because it was drizzling!

Surprisingly, the sound was loud
but not so shocking however, it was the recoil from the gun that shook my aim
off. After about ½ an hour to 45 mins each with the beretta and the Glock, I
finally discovered the trick to each gun. How to overcome the mis-aim. But alas,
nobody can prepare for the lack of oxygen considering I was still nursing a
blocked nose and thus, sometimes I had to suck in air when I fire, occasionally
missing the target.

My brother even wanted me to try
to speed reload the glock like how they do it in movies, you know-let the empty
magazine slide out and slam a new one in to reload. Alas, the blardy magazine
lock was too tough for me to unlock with one finger. Then I tired continuous
shooting and damn it was good. Now I can understand why some people get hooked
on this. Man, whoever gets handed a gun and acts all scared should be shot
dead, holding on to the gun was like holding on to something magnificent. It
was power. Although I may have been afraid to even touch one but, I won’t
hesitate to pick one up and use when necessary.

All in despite the slight drizzle
we were shooting in, it was a great experience and I also learnt that
sometimes, because I’m short, the empty cartridges may fly back and hit my
head. Yeah, my hair was a ‘landing pad’ for them.

After my early morning exercise in arms, I went to meet my cousin for
some retail therapy. In between sniffles and blocked ears, somehow, I managed
to spend quite a bit on clothes and books. But overall, I thought at least
today was a good day, I tried something new.

In the West, the month of
December usually means falling temperatures, longer nights, shorter daylight,
sluggish roads choked with ice and harried shoppers cramming for that lousy
Christmas deal.

In the east, namely Sunny
Singapore, December spells rain. The time of the month when the sun cannot get
past thick gloomy clouds that are heavily saturated with salt water that
threatens to rip the clouds apart and pour, really pour. The only month when Sunny does not apply to Singapore.

I love December. Of all the 12
months in a year, December is my favourite month.

When grey clouds can be seen over
the horizon in the mornings more times than white clouds, and the air gets
colder even when the sun is shining, I know December is around the corner and
Christmas is coming.

Yesterday was an absolutely
beautiful day for me. The skies finally decided to drown Singapore in its darkness and open its floodgates. IT kept
raining from Monday night till earlier this morning. It had been cold all day
and, like in the west, it almost seemed to ’snow’ non-stop and all I wanted to
do was cosy up on my bed with a hot mug of tea and a good book to read.

Of course, I had to go out
yesterday and it was still wonderful because I could feel the rain drops tingle
on my ankles and, occasionally kiss my face. I loved it when I could go anywhere
without having to worry about my skin breaking out in a rash because of heat or
the sun. It was beautiful yesterday as everywhere I looked, it was dark and
grey, even my skin looked luminescent in the gloom. Lovely.

So on Day # 4 of my holiday, I finally cosied up on bed with a
book by Harlan Coben, recommended by a
friend. Unfortunately though, instead of a hot mug of tea to keep me company, I
had my stuffy and blocked nose to remind me that I am still sick.

Sighs, am I going to miss out on
the best month of the year because of a stupid stuffed up nose and itchy
throat?

I hope not, I have been
self-medicating for the past few days. Lately, I’ve upped the dosage of my
Dhasedyl to Ephedyl…infact, I’m taking both. Both mixture contains codein, and
I must admit that it is very potent because even though I am drowsy after
taking it, I fight the urge to sleep because I don’t want to miss my days. So I
walk around in a light-headed euphoria most of the time. I’ve decided to cut
back on it when I realised how much I actually begin to enjoy that feeling of
light-headedness. It can’t be good.

So now, I am still stuck with a
lousy nose but a mind raring to go places.

My last day of the 3^rd
semester ended with a quiet Zzzzzzzzz…….

Hardly surprising that I fell
sick on my last day of attachment, it seems if I don’t fall sick on my last day then it is not right, but, this time I felt really bad for the
patients, many of whom wanted to talk to me and similarly, many of whom I
wanted to talk to. But alas, my sore throat and stuffed up nose sent me on a hypoxic
state for most of my shift. Whatever strength I had left in me was used up
during the “Party” for the ward. The rest of the day, I sat around in a
catatonic state, truly being “one with” the patients. I felt myself giving
wrong affect most of the time, smiling inappropriately. Basically, I was stoned
out.

I really hate being sick,
especially so on my last day and during the holidays. It kinda ruin my whole
plan. I had planned on going to the zoo today, to join in the birthday
celebration for the polar bear, Inuka.

Why am I sick???? Was I stressed?
No. I did not think so. I actually spent quite abit of moolah buying vitamins,
anti-oxidants and etc to build up my body’s resistance during the attachment. I
had even dutifully taken them too and yet, I fall sick so easily! WTH.

Maybe its because I got caught in
the rain 2 days ago while on my way back home.

Maybe its because my home is undergoing
some surface renovation and the dust and turpentine smells are simply too
overpowering. I don’t know why and its killing me.

So right now, I am concentrating
on getting better because I want to do the following stuff (if my budget
allows):

1) Go to the zoo

2) Try the water skiing at East Coast

3) Go to Sentosa

4) Learn to bake something (cake,cookies,sheperd’s pie,
whatever)

5) Back to school shopping.

6) Catch up on my reading (so many books and articles)

So while I am in bed, on a
codein-induced high, I am going to try and gather enough concentration to read
some of my books.

Sigh, this is how I spend my 1^st
day of holiday.

1) Why do you blog?

I blog because I love to write stuff. It is also a form of outlet for me to write my feelings and express myself.

2) What does blogging mean to you?

It is a medium from which to connect with my friends about what is happening, or has happened to me. It is also a medium from which to share my experiences with people I know. Blogging is where I am allowed to dissect events that had happened to me and allows me to give MY opinion, which is not reflective of others’.

It is an online diary.

3) Did you feel restricted while blogging?

In the past, anything and everyting went on the internet but, lately people have become sensitive to everything. Things that were meant for sharing were no longer considered appreciated and were in fact turned into a source for others to attack your character. So yes, I felt restricted at times when I blog. Blogging is a very powerful tool to spread the truth and debunk myths about yourself, or things you know. I like to use blogging as a tool to spread the truth as long as I do not reveal information that is not already well-known by the general public.

4) What do you think of other blogs?

There are some interesting blogs that deals with political issues and even those that deals with the everyday issues in their lives. I enjoy a blog that has more substance and meaning then a blog that is cryptic and subtle. To me it is either-say what you want or, don’t bother at all. Blogging is an avenue to allow you to express yourself if you can’t do it in person. If you can’t even do that through blogging then, why bother in the first place.

5) How many blogs have you had?

Since 2001, I’ve had a total of …. 4 blog sites. Each for different areas of issues. One for a competition, another for political issues, third for me to be mean and the last one is for my everyday.

6) How do you find the time to blog?

I do it when I am in between resting and doing work. WOrds or issues I wanna share are already thought of during periods when I am travelling or working. Somehow, I reserve these issues in my mind till I blog them.

7) What do you hope to see in blogging?

More honesty and candidness.

How long will you keep blogging?

I will continue to blog as long as I have not reached a stage where I feel emotionally blunted or depressed.

9) Why do you pose youself such questions?

I guess, everyone has a reason to blog but it is never fully understood. The real goal is never addressed. Also, because I thought it would be fun to try something different, to explore myself.

10) Any last words?

To anyone out there who blogs, keep on blogging as long as you can. Be truthful and mindful at the same time. However, stop blogging if you cannot even be honest with yourself.

It is everywhere.

It is a feeling you cannot explain.

It is the reason why you remember the melody of a song you
once heard.

It is a memory that was in the past which, you cannot
forget.

Love makes you dance along to a music you hear on the radio,
drum your fingers on the table and hum along to the chorus.

Love is the taste of a dish you enjoy and want more of.

Love makes you do crazy things, sensible things and
regretful things.

Love is not restricted to one person.

The trees, grass, buildings, dogs and cats, everything
around us allows us to love them.

Why do we let ourselves believe in only one true love when
it is happening to us everyday?

Yes, love lets us have the romance in our lifetime.

It gives us the sensation of being in a relationship with the
one person you cannot forget, the one person you want to share your memories
with, the one person whom you wanna dance and sing with, it makes us want to
share the joys of the dishes we want more of with that one person, it makes us
do crazy things, sensible things and regretful things for that one person.

Love makes us give others a chance as well as ourselves, a
chance.

Love makes us want to live, to wake up, to eat, to share, to laugh and
cry.

That, is what love means to me.

Perhaps it was too much to
hope for, a peaceful last week for my posting at IMH. I was wrong, apparently.

On reflection, I felt like I
was in a prison setting more than in a mental institute, like in prison-they
are denied any personal possessions, the windows all had wire meshes, entry and
exit was through 2 locked doors and they also had roll calls. The only
difference being that they were not even allowed time out under the open skies.

Monday started out simple
enough, I was in the interview room with the doctors for most part of the
morning. However, I found out later from my other friends who were out in the
day space with the patients, there were some arguments which broke out amongst
the patients. Basically, most of the patients were irritable that day.

Then later that evening,
crisis happened during my other classmates’ shift.

This morning was no
different, the moment the patients came out to the day space I could feel a
sense of tenseness and irritation amongst them. It was almost as if they were
all waiting for someone to crack.

They did not disappoint me.
Before mid morning, I witnessed a patient giving another a flying kick in the
stomach after they had argued over missing slippers. Luckily, it did not
escalate further than that. Later in the morning, I had to stop a fight that
almost started when one of my patients taunted another to a fight. It did not
help when I had a new patient, who thinks he’s the MAN of justice, who keeps
calling people “*$#$*” for no reason.

I thought I handled the
situation pretty well without the help of my 2 male classmates. I managed to
calm the taunter and thanks to some of the other patients, they managed to pull
the taunted away. I had another hair raising experience as well when all the
patients started rquesting to shave and I felt myself watching them like a
warden, with eagle eyes as they passed the shaver from one patient to another.

Towards the end of our
shift, we had 2 crisis. It simply had to happen when there were only 3 of us
nursing students and 2 HCAs around while the S/Ns were tied up with discharges.

A patient refused to return
to the dormitory and a new admission got loose from his restraints and kicked
the walls in the dormitory shouting obscenities along the way. The patients
were all riled up and, the patient who kept hassling me took the opportunity to
hassle me, when I was holding the door to the dormitory. Despite the fact that
he was definitely invading into my personal space when he kept pushing forward,
I was more concerned for the safety of my male classmate who was inside the
dormitory to help with the situation and I guess, I gave him my most “adult”
and curt command to “move away from the area, now.” Before I felt the need to
knock his spectacles off his face.

I have to commend on the
effectiveness of my friend, Yeo’s, approach towards the violent new admission.
He managed to calm him down and enabled the ENs to subdue the patient.

Phew! All these in the last
2 mornings!

Lastly, how do you react
when a patient walks up to you and tells you that he’s hungry, he wants to eat
you-especially your hands? He also keeps describing how easy it was to break
your hands. I could only come up with one reason for this sudden carnivorous appetite,
he simply wants to “scare” me because I look “weak”. Well, I guess I gave him
something to think about when the crisis situation was up, I don’t scare
easily. In fact, I felt myself surprisingly calm and it was so disturbing
because I thought it was not a normal reaction. I was not even afraid when a
patient verbally threathened me after I forced him into the dormitory.

However, this is not to say
that this posting is “a walk in the park”. My hair still stands whenever I walk
into the dormitory and all eyes are watching my every step. I am even aware of
the fact that a transvestite has been watching me from sideways, observing when
I am not concentrating. To really work in IMH, your mind has to keep moving to
consider all your steps, every single word you use and your behaviour because,
the patients are always watching and observing.

I started my posting at the "Looney House" aka IMH this week, filled with trepidation and anticipation.

On our first day, they told us "horror" stories of what the patients could do to students and what had happened before in the past. Usually I am not easily scared but they showed an old video of IMH and suddenly,lo and behold I see my dad’s face in one of the pics and I remember the stress and anger he brought home during the early years of his career. He had worked at the old IMH for a few years, at the forensic ward and suddenly, reality sets in. No longer were those incidents that our lecturers tell us simply just stories, but they are very real.

So after the grand tour of IMH, we were sent to our respective wards to get "accquainted" with the ward staff and the patients. We had our first taste of the patients looking at us with anticipation through a small window in the door.

It is very nice to know that the staff never warn us of the few molesters currently residing in the acute ward I am in. It is also nice to know that just last week, one of the patients did molest a nursing student. I found out only after hearing the said patient talk to his mother over the phone. He actually said,"Mama this week I am good. I promise! Last week I did wrong. I only molest the (school)nursing student what. I did not hurt her! I promise!"

Aawww how sweet, he promised! And everytime he looked at either one of us female students, his eyes narrows disturbingly and his hands gets frozen in the act of grasping…..and paired with his huge size and broken spectacles, he really makes us feel "reassured".

I had expected hostility and chaos amongst the patients but surprisingly, they were pretty organized for most parts of the day except during meal times and in their sleeping cubicles.

Generally, most patients were almost normal in their behaviours in that they actually help those weaker than them, they clear up after themselves and actually greet you.

However, we do have outstanding ones. We have a really endearing ‘holy break-dancer’ who claims that GOd tells him to go to Clark Quay . We also have "The Diver" who’ll do his dives on the floor, the "body armour/assassin" who loves to tell me about how women likes their man long and never fails to remind me that I am small and flat, the self imposed vow of silence guy who likes to tell me that I have fair skin and holes in my face, the "5-minute" man who takes 5 minutes pause for every action he does including eating , the chanter who’ll chant non-stop and steal water to drink, the guy who sees ghosts and walks around like a train, the "magic spectacles" guy who wants to sodomise LKY and loves to stare intently at me, the "karaoke king" who loves to give me his telephone number and tell me that he’s looking for a wife, the "cleaner" who picks and clear everything away but is also very talented in drawing. We also have the "Lion" who talks to himself and is verbally abusive, the "tiger" who is definitely not a morning person and is also the supplier for 3-1 coffee and biscuits to the other patients. We have a few pacers and even a crawler who actually walk himself into a wall once when he do stand up to walk, once he even threw food at my friend so that he could crawl over and pick up the pieces to eat.

The others includes a guy just a year younger than me who believes that people are out to get him and his favourite topic with me is, sex. Sigh, he loves to tell me about his sexual exploits with prostitutes and I only found out when I told him that my chinese was not so good and, he starts to explain to me in broken english.

Oh, did I mention that I had a sort of follower? He always stays or hovers near by and whenever I look up or around he would be there to give me a smile and salute me. He is always ready to do anything and always appear to expect me to order him to do something. Of course I never do that.

Another one, also a younger guy, who loves to test us students in our sincerity in listening and helping him. HE is sarcastic and manipulative, as well as angry and easily jealous of the other patients who has our attention. He loves to sit next to me when I am with another patient and always tries to pry personal information from me. TOday, he actually vented his anger at me when I refuse to oblige to his request to be "his friend", be related in any way to him, be his "girlfriend" and tried to explain to him that people are helping him. It is scary for me because he keeps telling me he wants to hurt people and yet, at the same time he is lonely. If I try to "psychoanalyse" him, he knows and backs off but, when I shrug off the "cloak" of student nurse and be a friend-he tells me stuff about his life, worries and fears and wants me to help him. It gets a little frustrating for me because he always backs off when I give "text-book" answers and I guess my groupmates probably thinks I am "easy prey" for this guy but actually he tells me that the others "discriminate" against him which I know they do not but because of the distance they keep from him, he feels it and to illustrate, he always asks to shake their hands and he actually showed me what happens just to prove his point. It is disheartening for me to see him in this condition because he is young, could draw really well, he has a whole life ahead of him. But after his slight outburst, he kept away from me, from anyone else and even refused to look at anyone.

I realised that sometimes while talking to these patients, I forget that they are actually ill in the mind. I also found myself trusting them and sometimes forget that they are still unstable and thus, their trigger is still unknown.

Luckily my friend Casey is always around to look out for me and let me know when some of the patients try to be funny towards me. Once, the "cleaner" actually talked to me about how he injured his hands and something about masturbation, he also tried to get me to massage his palms for him by claiming that his fingers hurt, luckily Casey was near enough to overhear the conversation and immediately helped me out.

I hope next week, nothing out of the ordinary happens to anyone of us students and that at least, our presence in the wards could help to relieve some of the pain of stigmatization and abandonment that these patients feel.