I Am CAT~by Joe the Fat
Tuesday, August 21st, 2007Since my mistress no longer use this site, I’ll do a little bit of my cat observations and opinions here.
Being around my mistress is interesting because she does some weird things that I’ll never understand. Take this unholy obsession with our (mine and Honi’s) pooh for example. EVERY day she’ll come back dead tired and yet, still trudge out into the back yard with a plastic bag, broom and pan to clear our pooh. For sphinx’s sakes! Sometimes we wanna see where and how long our pooh takes to disintegrate to dust but, she absolutely have to clear them before it happens.
The other weird obsession she has are…LEAVES. It drives me nuts when she starts sweeping the car porch, clearing all the leaves! Where does that leave me? I can no longer camouflage and stalk behind unsuspecting birds! Besides that, the sweep sweep action of her broom gives me a major headache.
However, she is not all that crazy though. She lets me into her room to stalk those white little cotton buds that she deliberately leave on her floor for me or, the occasional string. Sometimes when she’s asleep, I’ll also sneak into her room and also catch some catnap away from the rest of her crazy family and that crazy Honi.
Now, Honi is a real phenomenon. She is FAT and stupid.
I am fat, but not stupid and I pride myself in being able to domesticate myself in a civilised environment.
Not the dog though.
Honi is younger than me, bigger than me physically. And, she brings to mind the phrase ‘all brawns and no brain’. I love to taunt and tease her, drawing her out of her supposed gentle demeanor. She’s a rabid dog beneath all that brown fur and fats. Thankfully she’s leashed or I would’ve been skinless by now-not that I cannot defend my own furs. My claws are just as sharp as her teeth and my hiss has more bite than her bark.
I have no idea why my mistress insists that Honi is a smart dog whenever Honi does something absolutely accidental-like sitting when she says ’sit’. That dog is clueless to the meaning of the command, all she cares about is that damn bone shaped cookie which, I must add is not fair. Why does the dog get to have a treat while I don’t?
What? Whaddya mean that cats aren’t dogs and thus have no treats?? I can piss to mark my territory as well as any dog near a lamp post. I can bark or meow when I need to. Infact, I’m above a dog…I can find my way home through the stars if I have to. So where’s my treat??
